maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize