He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
