thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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