he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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