Your tits are I can't wait for
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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