Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
