My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
