will power is for people who don't want to get laid
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
