I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
