Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
