Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
