I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
