Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
