you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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