apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
