She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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