This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Can you bring me the toilet please
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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