Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
