It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
