did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
