Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
