it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
