No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
