He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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