apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
