have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
