frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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