Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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