Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
