dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
