You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
