Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
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