I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
