I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
