I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
