Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Pants are for mortals
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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