"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
