and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
