your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
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