He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
