i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
