If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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