I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
