u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
