the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
