I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
