I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Threesome in a minivan. New low
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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