why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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