Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
