You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
