Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
