the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
