Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
